> > >What's the difference between women at ages 8, 18, 28, 38 and 48?
> > >At age of 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
> > >
> > >At age of 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
> > >At age of 28 - You don't need to tell her any story to take her to bed.
> > >
> > >At age of 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
> > >
> > >At age of 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
> >

> I have one
>
>Are you have one ?
>
> your wife will use yours
>
>Your mother uses your father's one
>
>And your auntie uses your uncle's one
>
>A married lady would acquire one
>
>But a divorced lady would lose her one
>
>Arnold Schwarzenneger has a longer one
>
>Michael J. Fox has a shorter one
>
>Madonna doesn't have one
>
>The Chinese usually have short ones
>
>While the Indian usually have long ones
>
>Do you have one?
>
>How long is your one?
>
>Which one is your preferred one?
>
> (see below for answer)
>
> what you are thinking of! go down...... .
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>Answer : its your Surname, what else !!
>
>but I like the way you think .........

 Abu El Abed was telling his friends about his trip to
California. He told them how much he loved it:
"The people are so nice people and so religious, they
give their cities saints names, San Francisco, San Diego, San Jose.
magine they loved me so much they gave me a saint's
name. They call me San Of a bitch".

>>A Canadian, an Australian, and a Israelian are in a bar
>>discussing the mental
>>
>> abilities of their wives.
>> The Canadian says, "You
>>know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the
>> world. She went to a
>>supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we
>>
>> don't even have a
>>freezer!"
>> The Australian says,
>>"That's nothing! My wife went out last week and bought
>>
>> a brand new $30,000 car,
>>and she can't even drive!"
>> Not to be out done, the
>>Israelian says, "My wife is a lot dumber than that!
>> last week she left for a
>>two week holiday in Beirut and I saw her pack 20
>> condoms! Hell, she doesn't
>>even HAVE a penis!"

Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

A man and a woman are driving down the same road at the same time.
As they pass each other the woman leans out the window, points and yells, “PIG! ”

The man immediately leans out his window, shakes his fist and shouts back, “WITCH!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he slams into a pig that had wandered into the middle of the road.

If only men would listen.

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."
"A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?"

"No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes."

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot. So he went to the lady's house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche.
"Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady's house.

"Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"

"My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money."

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.''
The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?''

The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.''

Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
2) Sociable -- Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
4) Timid -- Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later. 5) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pisses in sink.
6) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on floor.
7) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
8) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.
9) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
10) Childish -- Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
11) Sneaky -- Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.
12) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand.
13) Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.
14) Tough -- Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry.
15) Efficient -- Waits until he has to crap and does both.
16) Fat -- Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shower.
17) Little -- Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
18) Drunk -- Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
19) Disgruntled -- Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
20) Conceited -- Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat.

Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table.
"Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal.
"Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second.
"Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third.

350 Pounder?

What do you call a 350-pound stripper?
Broke!

5 Counterproductive Pick-Up Lines

1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.
2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized?
3) My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in.
4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays?
5) How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.

60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft and mushy?


Bubblegum (what were you thinking?)

Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight?
Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on the couch and drink beer and fart!

One evening a mom and dad and two sons are watching TV. The dad gives the mom a look, and they head upstairs. The two little boys wonder what they are doing, so they go up to take a peek.
''Well,'' said the older boy, ''remember this when mom gets on your case for sucking your thumb!''

A man and his wife went to the doctor's office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample.
The man was slightly deaf and said, ''What?''

Again, the doctor said, ''I need a blood, urine and feces sample."

The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear:

''Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear!''

Osama bin Laden and one of his followers were riding on a camel when they stopped at a small town. Bin Laden gets off the camel and lifts up its tail and looks at the camel's butt, just then a guy comes over and says, "What are you doing?"

Osama replies, "About 2 miles back I heard someone say, 'Hey, look at the two assholes on that camel.'"

What's the most famous coffee in Afghanistan?

Osama bin Latte

George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a conversation via Al Jazeera television. Bin Laden tells George Bush, "There is no point of engaging in further war. I can see total peace in the future!"

George Bush replies, "Oh yeah and tell me what you see?"

Osama answers, "I can see New York, with new great buildings on one side and beautiful new buildings on the other side, and everything is peaceful and wonderful."

George Bush says, "Wow is that what you see? Well I'll tell ya what I see for the future of Afghanistan... I see a house here, a house there, a small building here and small building there, but there are signs hanging in the middle of the street."

Osama asks, "And what do they say?"

George answers, "Hell, I don't know. I can't read Hebrew!"

Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?

Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.

Why don't the members of Al Qaeda go out to bars?

Because they can get bombed at home.

What's the national bird of Afghanistan?

DUCK!!!

Do you know how we can get Osama bin Laden?

Lace a bunch of Watchtower magazines with anthrax and send the Jehovah Witnesses in after him. Those people can find anybody!

How does Osama bin Laden practice safe sex?

He marks the camels that kick.

Did you know they are taking out all the K-Marts in Afghanistan?

They are putting in TARGETS!!!

Why did Osama bin Laden cross the road?

He didn't. They don't have roads.

What do Osama bin Laden and crabs have in common?

They both irritate Bush.

Osama bin Laden threatened Russia:

If you get caught up in this war... I'll hide from you too!

What is Osama bin Laden's favorite football team?

The New York Jets!

What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree?

Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.

My answer to "What to do with Bin Laden?"
Well, this sounds good to me. It would be true poetic justice:


Killing him will only create a martyr.
Holding him prisoner will inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release.
Therefore, I suggest we do neither.

Let the Secret Service, Navy Seals, or whomever
covertly capture him, fly him to an undisclosed hospital,
and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation.

Then we return "her" to Afghanistan
to live as a woman under the Taliban.

What's the difference between bin Laden and Aladdin?

Aladdin had 3 wishes and bin Laden only has 1 - a death wish.

What do Osama bin Laden and Custer have in common?

They both wondered where all those tomahawks were coming from.

How do you stop a Taliban tank?

Shoot the guy pushing it!

Why did Osama bin Laden visit Mount Sinai?

He wanted to see the burning Bush.

What do bin Laden and Fred Flintstone have in common?

They both look out of their caves and see Rubble.

What do you call Osama bin Laden buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.

Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.

"I will give each of you each one wish. That's three wishes total," says the genie.

The Canadian says, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."

With a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state."

Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

"Uncle Sam" (A former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out - it's virtually impenetrable."

Uncle Sam says, "Fill it with water."

How do u know u r in Syria?!?!?


>>1. Everyone you meet say he has an important cousin in the
>>government.
>>
>>2. Every car in the road has an arm hanging out of the window with a dirty pointing finger.
>>3. Every sign in English has a spelling mistake.

>>
>>4. Everyone has a black dark thick moustache.
>>
>>5. Everyone you meet complains.
>>
>>6. All the girls you meet look alike.
>>
>> 7. All the girls you meet dress alike.
>>
>>8. All the girls you meet can't think straight.
>>
>>9. Everyone's grandfather was the first in the country to buy a
>>Mercedes. .
>>
>> 10. Everyone you meet was rich in the past.
>>
>>11. 99.6% of the people u meet have applied for a green card.
>>
>>12. Everyone stares at you for no specific reason.
>>
>> 13. A seven month postdated check is considered cash.
>>
>> 14. No one you meet speaks English but somehow refuses to speak in any other Language
>>
>> 15. Everyone you meet has a cousin living in Chicago.
>>
>> 16. When all nightclub bouncers salute you with the words 'couples only' and welcome you in.
>>
>>17. You see a car accident every kilometer in Ramadan
>>
>> 18. You see thousands of people crowding over a beautiful girl.
>>
>> 19. Anyone who tries to speak in English says 'ya3ni'after every
>>word.
>>
>>20. 'Wasta' is the only solution for every problem.
>>
>>21. Everyone is the General Manager.
>>
>>22. Everyone thinks road signs are only there for decorative
>>purposes.
>>
>>23. When traveling to the States, you are confronted with thousands of people asking you to deliver big ugly bags to their
>>
>>24. When suddenly at a police station or any other governmental
>>department everyone becomes everyone's cousin.
>>
>> 25. When the sight of people queuing up in line becomes
>>invisible.
>>
>>26. Everyone wants to buy a Mercedes like it's kind of treasure or something
>>
>> 27. When you see people spitting all around.
>>
>>28. When someone tries to buy a gum at a cheaper price.
>>
>> 29. When the 'p' letter is pronounced as a 'b'.
>>
>> 30. Everything is boring.
>>
>> 31. When people are talking about car customs going down.
>>
>> 32. Every mother and father says that his/her son/daughter had high marks before bakaloria (high school).
>>
>> 33. Every mother and father were brilliant in the past and keep telling that to their sons.
>>
>> 34. When you hear the 'wasel' word several times a day.
>>
>> 35. 'Water', you hear this word 100 times a day in the summer.
>>
>> 36. Football is the only sport you hear about.
>>
>> 37. Prices of everything are going up daily.
>>
>>38. Everyone has problems with his mobile phone bill.
>>
>> 39. Everyone has sent 1000 copies of his CV to Dubai with his
>>cousin.
>>
>>40. There's no where to go but eat.
>>
>

Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List

December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.

December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.

December 3
Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion a cat-o-nine-tails. Flog gardener.

December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.

December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.

December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.

December 7
Debug Windows '2000

December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.

December 11
Lay Faberge egg.

December 12
Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.

December 13
Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.

December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.

December 15
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "Holiday Scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.

December 17
Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.

December 19
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be the same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.

December 20
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.

December 21
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.

December 22
Float votive candles in toilet tank.

December 23
Seed clouds for white Christmas. Festoon windows with worthless stock.

December 24
Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.

December 25
Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.

December 26
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.

December 27
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.

December 31
New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone's been in a 747!

What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?
Women!

Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?
So they have some place to put their feet.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

Why doesn't the blonde want to drink beer on the beach?
Because she doesn't want to get sand in her Busch

Adam and Eve

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman meant to him and how blessed he was to have her. 

Adam began to ask questions about her.

Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. 
Why did you make her so beautiful?
God: So you will always want to look at her.

Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. 
Why did you make her skin so soft?
God: So you will always want to touch her.

Adam: She always smells so good. 
Lord, why did you make her smell so good?
God: So you will always want to be near her.

Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, 
but why did you make her so stupid?
God: So she would love you.

FLASH !!!!:
A big earthquake took place in Syria....
1,000,000 persons have been killed...
USA offered to send money,
France offered to send food,
Canada offered to send clothes,
Lebanon offered to send 1,000,000 Syrians for replacement...!!!!

أنباء عاجلة
حصلت هزة أرضية مدمرة في سوريا
راح ضحيتها ما يقارب الـ1,000,000 نسمة
الولايات المتحدة عرضت أن ترسل المال للمساعدة
فرنسا عرضت ارسال الطعام
كندا عرضت ارسال الملابس
و لبنان عرضت أن ترسل 1,000,000 شخص سوري بديل!!!.

لماذا يرسب الطلاب في الامتحانات ؟!
>ليس ذنب الطالب(ة) إذا رسب لأن هناك 356 يوماً فقط في السنة ...
>وها نحن نقدم لكم تفصيلاً عن الحياة الأكادمية للطالب ...
>أيام الجمعات : 52 جمعة في السنة حيث يبقى من السنة 313 يوم
>العطلة الصيفية 50 يبقى 263 يوم 8 ساعات نوم يومية (بالميتة) وهذا يعني 122 يوم، يبقى فقط 141 يوم
>ساعة واحدة لللعب يومياً (مفيدة للصحة) مما يعني 15 يوماً إضافياً، يبقى 126
>يوم
>ساعتين يوميات للأكل (مع المضغ جيداً على قولة مريم نور للحفاظ على الطاقة) أي 30 يوماً يبقى 96 يوماً
>ساعة يومية للكلام والتحدث (فالإنسان مخلوق إجتماعي) وبذلك نضيف 15 يوم، يبقى 81 يوم
>أيام الامتحانات في السنة على الأقل 35 يوم، يبقى 46 يوم
>العطل النصفية والربعية وأيام الأعياد الدينية والوطنية والإنسانية والقومية 40 يوم، بقي 6 أيام
>أيام المرض السنوية على أقل تقدير 3 أيام، يبقى 3 أيام
>متابعة الأفلام وبقية الفعاليات الترفيهية (بدنا نعيش حياتنا)) على أقل تقدير
>يومين، بقي ....... يوم واحد !!
>وهذا اليوم هو بالضبط عيد ميلادك .... ألف مبروك ....
>إذا كيف سوف ينجح الطلااااااااااااااااااااااااااااب ؟!؟!؟!؟!؟!
>
>

نذل شاف واحد يغرق قاله أنقذني رد عليه اسمحلي يا خي هذا يومك
محشش سأل نفسه انا مواعد وحده الساعه ثنين ولا ثنتين الساعه وحده

مسطل شاف اشارة ممنوع الوقوف انبطح

واحد حكا لصاحبه اذاعرفت شو طابخه مرتي بعطيك نص الكوسيات؟؟قاله ملوخيه

مرة في واحد مسطول راح على البحرين أخذ معاه مايوهين

واحد نذل اتصل على mbc_fm يهدي أغنية بابا فين لجميع الأطفال الأيتام

محشش اتصل على مطعم قال عندكم عشاء قالو ايه قال ليش ماعزمتونا

فيه نذل عينوه مدير للجمعيه الخيريه للمعاقين أول يوم حط سباق قفز الحواجز

فيه قروي قال لزوجته نكته قالت ها هاها بايخه قال هاهاها أنتي طالق

بخيل احترق بيته اتصل بالمطافى رنه و سكر .

أحول سألوه ايش أمنيتك بالحياة قال: أشوف واحد ماشي لوحده

مره واحد مسكته الكهرباء قال لها: مش أنا

واحد بخيل مبلط بيته كله رخام ليه؟ عشان إذا وقع القرش يسمعه

واحد سمع إنه الجزر مفيد للنظر، قام جاب جزرة وقعد يطلع عليها

هنديات دخلوا بيت يسرقون... مالقوا شيء نظفوا المطبخ وطلعو

واحد راح يودع فلوس في البنك. لما راح لقى البنك مسكر حط الفلوس تحت الباب

س 1 : ما هو وجه التشابه بين الكمبيوتر
>
>والتاكسي والحفرة ؟
>
>ج 1 :
>
>الكمبيوتر ..... حاسب آلي
>
>التاكسي ....... حاسب يا اسطى
>
>الحفرة ......... حاسب لا تقع
>
>س 2 : ما الفرق بين المرسيدس والتعويرة ؟
>
>ج 2 : المرسيدس ..... ألماني ، والتعويرة
>
>ألماني جدا
>
>س3 : ما هي قمة الحيرة ؟
>
>ج 3 : يقال لك اجلس على ركن غرفة مستديرة
>
>س 4 : ما هي قمة الذكاء ؟
>
>ج 4 : هو ان تجد ركن الغرفة
>
>س5 : ما هي قمة الالم ؟
>
>ج 5 : التزحلق على زحلاقه مغطاه بشفرات حلاقة
>
>وشظايا الزجاج
>
>س 6: ما هي قمة العذاب ؟
>
>ج 6 : السقوط بعد ذلك في حوض به كولونيا
>
>س 7 : ما هي قمة الادب ؟
>
>ج 7 : ان تطرق باب الثلاجه قبل فتحها
>
>س 8 : ما هي قمة الذهول ؟
>
>ج 8 : ان يفتح احدهم لك الباب
>
>س 9 : كيف تضع 4 افيال في سيارة فولكس ؟
>
>ج 9 : اثنين قدام واثنين في الخلف
>
>س 10 : كيف تضع 8 افيال في سيارة مرسيدس ؟
>
>ج 10 : نبيع المرسيدس ونشتري 2 فولكس
>
>س 11 : كيف نضع فيل في الثلاجة على ثلاث
>
>مراحل ؟
>
>ج 11 :
>
>- نفتح الثلاجة 2 - ندخل الفيل في الثلاجه 3 -
>
>نقفل الثلاجة
>
>س 12 : كيف نضع زرافة في ثلاجة على اربع طرق
>
>ج 12 :
>
>- نفتح الثلاجة 2 - نخرج الفيل 3 - ندخل الزرافة 4
>
>نقفل الثلاجة
>
>س 13 : ما هو الشيء الذي ننام عليه ونجلس
>
>فوقه ونغسل به اسناننا ؟
>
>ج 13 : السرير والكرسي وفرشاة الاسنان
>
>س 14 : ما الذي له راسان و 8 اقدام ؟
>
>ج 14 : كلبان
>
>س 15 : كيف نقسم برتقاله واحده على ثلاثة اشخاص
>
>بحيث يأخذ كل واحد نصف
>
>برتقالة ؟
>
>ج 15 : نقول للبرتقاله : بقى انتي برتقاله انتي
>
>، فترد : مش برتقاله
>
>ازاي ؟ انا برتقاله ونص !
>
>س 16 : سؤال يجيب عليه الطالب
>
>قطار بسير بسرعة 90 كم / الساعة ، ويتوقف في 8
>
>محطات ، وسرعة الرياح 134
>
>م / ثانيه
>
>فما اسم سائق القطار ؟!!!
>
>س 17 : كيف تستطيع ان تعرف بأن 8 افيال
>
>متواجدين داخل فندق الشيراتون
>
>بدون ان تدخل الفندق ؟
>
>ج 17 : اعرفهم ، اذا وجدت 2 فولكس في مواقف
>
>الفندق
>
>س 18 : احترقت حديقة الحيوانات فاحترقت جميع
>
>الحيوانات التي بها ، إلا
>
>الزرافة لم تحترق .... ليش ؟
>
>ج 18 : لاننا وضعنا الزرافة في الثلاجة
>
>
>
>

>امتحان شهادة الدراسة الثانوية العامة لعام 2003
>*************************************************
>
>
>إسم الطالب: والله لنطلعك ناسي اسمك

 صورة الطالب الشخصية:

الفرع: علمي
>علمك المبحث: اللغة العربية
>
>هذا الامتحان برعاية كوكاكولا
>
>ملاحظة: اجب عن الأسئلة التعجيزية التالية و عددها ( 6 ) إجباري و ( 1
>) اختياري على أن يكون مجموع الأسئلة (7)
>
>ملاحظة: هذه الأسئلة لا علاقة لها بمسابقة - مـن سيـربـح المـلـيـون -
>لذلك تمنع مساعدة الصديق أو أي وسيلة أخرى (بضم الهمزة).
>
>
>السؤال الأول (20 علامة ) ***********************

 قال كاظم الساهر
>معبرا عن مشاعره و أشواقه، وواصفا محبوبتة : 1- نزلت للبحــر تتشمــس
>الحلـــوة رفقـــا بالبشــر بنـــت حـــــوا 2- نـزلت لبحــر يا محــلا
>مشيتــها أنـــا و البـحـر (نـتـمنى لمســـتـهـا) 3- موسيـقى
>بـيتـهـوفن عيـني يا ضـحكـتـه غزالـة عـالرمل (و بدلــع تتـلــوى) 4-
>عـروس و تـريـد أمـي و سـيدة لـبـيـتـي و علـى أيـدك أريد اخـتم
>عـزوبتـي 5- أنـا قـصدي شريـف و صـادقـة نـيـتـي سكتـي و السكوت مـن
>الـرضـا هــو
>
>
>الأسئلة: 1-اشرح الآبيات الخمسة الأخيرة فقط من النص بما لا يقل عن 90
>سطرا باختصار شديد 2- لماذا أكد الشاعر على القصد الشريف و النية
>الصادقة ، و علام يدل سكوت المحبوبة؟ 3-أعرب ما تحته خط إعراب دبكات، و
>ما بين قوسين إعراب فيدو كليب 4-استخرج من البيت الثالث صورتين فوريتين
>مبينا نوع الكاميرا 5- ما هي صفات العروس التي تريدها ام الشاعر
>
>
>مساحة خالية للإعلان-

ت: اثنين صفر وثلاثة خضر
>
>
>
>السؤال الثاني ( 8 علامات ) **************************

أعط أسباب ما
>يلي مع شرح وافي (إذا ما لقيت وافي، صدّيق ماشي حالو) : 1-تم نقل السوق
>المالي إلى سوق السمك ؟ 2-إقبال المشاهدين على قناة الجزيلة الإخبارية؟
>3-إغلاق شبكة الأخبار PNN بعد زواج شارون ستون ؟ 4-أسباب اندلاع الحرب
>بين ..... ما بتفرق، اختر أي حرب، ما انت راسب راسب ؟
>
>
>
>
>
>السؤال الثالث -اختياري- (5 علامات)
>**********************************

اكتب الاسم المستوفى من السؤال ما

>اسم عم إيزابيل الذي هجرها في الحلقة السابقة من المسلسل المكسيكي تبع

>يوم السبت ( ورد ذكره في مسلسل كاساندرا أيضا )؟ (5 علامـات)
>
>
>
>___________________________________________________________ فاصل
>إعلاني: اشتري عبوة سير يلاك و اربح علبتين بامبارز مجانا العرض ساري
>حتى نهاية الامتحان
>___________________________________________________________
>
>
>السؤال الرابع (8 علامات) ************************

ورد في التلفزيون
>السوري دعاية "رقائق أبو اللبن" للمخرج فواز جابر: " عبالك اوزي، تنتين
>بتعوزي، عيار الرز و اللحمة مفرومة يا سوزي، بازيلا صنوبر و رشة
>بهار...."
>
>الأسئلة 1-اذكر وصفة الطعام المختلفة التي وردت في كافة دعايات "أبو
>اللبن" و "ساراميكس 2-اضبط بالبهارات ما تحته خط 3- أين تجد رقم هاتف
>سوزي في دليل هاتف يأخذ بأول الأسماء، متبعا القاموس المحيط؟
>
>
>
>
>السؤال الخامس (20 علامة) ************************

 موضوع تعبير قال
>أحدهم: "ام احمد، شو صار، واحد صفق واحد طار، أبو وصفي لا تحتار، اقعد
>و شوف عالمكشوف، ما حنقلك شو حتشوف. اكتب موضوعا عن عائلة ام احمد، و
>بين فيه علاقة فرحان بكل من سمر و ام احمد و تطورها قبل و بعد ربح
>جائزة اليانصيب (20 علامة)
>
>
>
>المشروب الرسمي لهذا الامتحان
>
>
>
>
>السؤال السادس ( 19 علامات) **************************

 اجب عن أربعة
>فقط من الأسئلة التالية 1-ما رأيك بتصرفات "أبو طراقة" و "ابن الوهاج"
>في مسلسل الجوارح مبينا رأيك بمنجزات الباشق و أسامة و عقاب. 2-ما رأيك
>بموقف "الكاسر" من "شقيف" في مسلسل الكواسر 3-من برأيك أقوى وأفضل
>بوكيمون - هل هو - بيكاتشو ؟؟؟ 4-اذكر أسماء أبطال كابتن ماجد، مع بيان
>فريق كل منهم. وما عدد الأهداف التي سجلها الكابتن ماجد في كأس العالم
>الأخيرة في اليابان وكوريا 2002.
>
>
>_______________________________________________________________ عرض
>فاست لينك الجديد من سمعان أبو رنه ، اشترك في موبايلكم واربح ساعتين
>فاست لينك مجانيتين
>
>
>
>سؤال المساعدة ( لرفع العلامة ) ( 20 علامــة)
>********************************************

 أ - اذكر أسماء 3 من
>رؤساء بلدية لقرية يوكوزوهريتاشاناتا اليابانية من ثلاثة مقاطع مع عدد
>السنوات التي ترأسوا فيها البلدية . ب - أذكر أسماء زوجات 5 ممن ماتوا
>في قصف مدينة هيروشيما اليابانية عام 1945 بالقنبلة الذرية على أن تكون
>إحداهن شقراء.
>
>
>
>______________________________________________________________ انتهت الأسئلة وانتهت حياتك مع أطيب التمنيات بالنجاح

 محمد شريقي *** Mohammad Shriky